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"JOKES" 
"EPISODES" 



AND ... 



"POEMS" 



BY 

ERWIN E. HARDER 

175 West Washington Street 
CHICAGO, ILL. 



3 

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Price 25 Cents ••;:•: 






Press of Mayer & Miller Co. iTamx&X&a^ 525 S. Dearborn St.. Chicago 



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CLARINETS 
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ERWIN E. HARDER, Soloist 

AND HIS WOOD-WIND FAMILY 

FORMERLY WITH VICTOR HERBERT 
CHICAGO PHILHARMONIC ORCHESTRA CHICAGO SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA 

IN HIS "JUMPING EPISODE" 





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175 West Washington Street 
CHICAGO, ILL. 



Copyright, 1916 



"JOKES 



>> 



"EPISODES" 



... AND ... 



"POEMS 




BY 



ERWIN E. HARDER 

CLARINET SOLOIST 



A* 



-ST A* 



Copyright, 1917 
By E. E. Harder 



Price 25 Cents 



P? 



MAY 21 1917 
§>CLA467102 

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"HARDER'S JOKES" 



By ERWIN E. HARDER 



While dwelling temporarily in the "Vapor World" I saw the 
following fish: Pilot Fish, Sand Fish, Bull Fish, Cow Fish, Jew 
Fish, Sword Fish and Saw Fish. 



"Is your son busy in the country now? I presume it is too 
early in the season for him to be in the field." 

"Yes, but not when there is a ball game going on." 



After a refreshing rain in the woods I had a vision which 
reminded me of my childhood days when I often said to my dearly 
beloved mother: "Ma, when I get big I'LL buy you a diamond for 
each of your fingers." 

As I beheld the trees, they sparkled like myriads of diamonds. 
But soon my vision vanished, the blazing sun having dried all their 
tears. 

"Who is the leading man in your theatrical Co?" said a lady in 
a candy store on Easter day. "Mr. Haas (Rabbit) is the leading 
man." "1 don't know Mr. Haas." "Why! he is the man that laid 
the Easter eggs." 



"How many children did you say she had in fifteen years?" 
"Twenty children." "How is that?" "Well there were Quadruples 
once, and twins twice." 



One day the condition of my pocketbook permitted me only to 
buy a gallery ticket for my friend Elmendorf's lecture on the "Grand 
Canyon." After the lecture the eminent Elmendorf asked me why 
I had chosen a gallery seat. My answer was: "Because it gave 
me a better view and enabled me to look into the very bottom of 
your canyons." 

While I was on my way to an amusement park, I read the fol- 
lowing advertisement on a poster: Come to Forest Park 3,000 
Alligators Hand's Band. 



The Almighty Creator in his wisdom let the umbrella tree grow 
in Southern California, because at a certain time of the year it 
rains there almost continuously. 



A piece of music was arranged for small orchestra by "Wiener." 
"Bologna" would have arranged it for a large orchestra. 



At a theatre one evening- while the violinists of the orchestra 
were playing a solo passage I noticed some of the young ladies 
looking at their beaux (bows). 



A man had been hunting but returned without having bagged 
anything. When he told his friend that he had seen only birds, he 
was asked why he had not shot them. 

"Because they were resting on women's hats," was the reply. 



A blind man sitting by a post had fallen asleep. During the 
nap the blind man dropped his sign. On it were written the words: 
"Take me to the car barns at three o'clock." A new conductor 
passed by and took the sign to its place of destination. 

A bald-headed man asked one of his friends what dress he 
should wear for a masquerade ball. "You need no dress," answered 
his friend, "just sprinkle your head with salt, and you will look like 
a pill." . 

One afternoon I went to visit a friend of mine who is blind. 
As I reached his house he was dressed to go out and said to me: 
"You'll have to excuse me, as I have to see my dentist. I shall see 
you tonight." 

"Hurrah, boys! I won the first prize (a bottle of Bay Rum) in 
the running race at Mr. Baldman's picnic." "What did you do with 
it?" "Not needing it myself I gave it to Mr. Baldman." 

You look odd with that monocle on your face. Yes, I am the 
only "Odd-Fellow" in Bensonville. 



Six musicians were engaged to play for a concert. Before the 
curtain rose one of them asked the others whether they had any 
change. They all replied in the negative. "This is surely a poor 
orchestra," sighed the musician who needed the change. 



We have many an Armin Hand in this country. For every one- 
armed person has an arm an' hand. 



"Why is it" said I to a friend of mine, "that, as soon as I walk- 
out on a rainy day, the rain commences to pour"? "Of course," said 
he, "for then it rains on harder." (Harder.) 



When is a cord not (cord-knot) a string? 
When it is untied. 

What kind of goods are your trousers made of? 
They are Satin. 



Copyrighted 1907 and 1917 by E. E. Harder, Chicago, 111. 
(All rights reserved) 



THE FIRST CLARINET 



Number Two 



By ERWIN E. HARDER 



The "White City Amusement Park" opened, as usual, on a 
rainy day. The weather was mostly cold during the five weeks' 
engagement of the Russian Band, to which I belonged, and which 
represented nine nationalities. 

The band-shell is quite large and will seat one hundred musi- 
cians comfortably. 

We forty musicians of this really cosmopolitan band were 
ordered to keep our overcoats on during our first rehearsal, as a 
chilly rain was steadily falling. 

In order to make the band appear larger than it was, the 
musicians were spread over the platform, amidst many orange and 
lemon trees, which were standing there in pots. 

To see us huddled together with our overcoats buttoned to the 
top, in this southern orchard, was quite a sight, 

The opera singers were wearing heavy wraps and were greatly 
envied by some of the musicians, as they did not need to finger any 
instruments. 

The leader was called away through the phone and his assistant 
directed the rest of the program. 

After the rehearsal one of the musicians was given two weeks' 
notice for incompetency, and "Vaudeville Slim," the bassoon player, 
told him the story of Napoleon's downfall in 1812, the musician's 
first name being Napoleon. 

During the evening intermission "Big Casino," the tuba player, 
and "Little Casino," the cornetist, who were inseparable, would 
sometimes join "Vaudeville Slim," "Razor-Back" Jimmie, the 
drummer, and "Shorty," the piccolo player, in the Casino Cafe, 
order large steins of beer and ask the leader of the Casino 
Orchestra for a drum solo, whereupon the drummer would give 
them some fine rolls, which went well with their foaming beer. 

The afternoon and evening intermissions lasted one hour each. 
This gave us musicians a chance to see the sights of the "White 
City." 

The most imposing structure is the immense electric tower, 
three hundred feet high, with its 10,000 lights. 

5 



Near the tower the Sea Cow is on exhibition. 

Opposite it is an enclosed place which contains four cows. 

Here milk is served fresh from the cows, and with every glass 
of milk the buyer is promised a ring. When he asks for the ring, 
the sturdy milk-maid gives him a ring with the cow-bell. 

The fortune tellers close by entice us with their pleasant smiles 
to enter their "Salon," where our future is pictured in rosy colors. 

These gypsies sometimes tell fortunes and other times some- 
thing else. 

We left the swarthy palm readers and went to see the airship, 
whose pilot was looking up to the top of the tower to see from 
which direction the wind came. But the kind of wind he was look- 
ing for never arrived. So he shook his head, lighted a cigarette 
and went away. 

The airship has been in the same place for the last three seasons 
without moving. 

One day there was quite an excitement, for "Razor-Back" Jim- 
mie, "Big" and "Little Casino," "Vaudeville Slim" and "Shorty" 
took a ride on the shoots. While gliding down into the water 
shouting and yelling, "Razor-Back" Jimmie and "Big Casino" sud- 
denly turned to one side of the boat and upset it. What a splash! 
What yells! "Vaudeville Slim" held on the boat and cried: "Mine 
uniform, mine uniform, I paid $17.00 for dat, and now it vill only 
be vorth about $5.00." 

Soon another boat took in the musical quintette and landed 
them. 

They had barely time enough to change their clothes before 
the evening concert started. 

While the musicians were tuning their instruments, a very high 
wind commenced to blow, which almost developed into a hurricane. 

The music stands were blown over, and the audience consisted 
of a lone old lady with an umbrella, who stuck to her table. 

We played for her entertainment a few marches by heart, and 
then were sent home. 

Some of us went to the Musicians' Headquarters. 

We entered the private dining-room and ordered cheese sand- 
wiches and steins of beer. At a table near-by the bartender was 
enjoying a large porterhouse steak with onions and French fried 
potatoes. Our sandwiches were even lacking butter. What a con- 
trast! 

Shortly after "Razor-Back" Jim and "Vaudeville Slim" arrived, 
accompanied by two ladies. 

"Vaudeville Slim's" Dulcinea weighed about 250 pounds, while 
"Razor-Back's" lady-love barely touched the hundred mark. 

6 



After brother Jim had given his order to the waiter, he told 
us the story of his lost hat in the following manner: 

"I vas valkin on de shtreet near de vindow, and I was tinkin 
ob something, venn I got a bumps on de bead, and mine hat vas 
verbroken in. I right avay tell de shtore man, dat I broke my hat 
on his awnings hangin down on de shtreet, and dat he had to buy 
me a new hat. 

De owner ob de shtore vould not do it and said to me. 'You 
better looka ver you valky.' 

Now I vent right avay quick to de court house and tell dem 
mine shtory. Dey said dey don't furnish de hats, but dey vill make 
him raise his awnings. Den I go avay mad after avile I sit me 
down in a new restaurant. After I finish my supper I write a 
pustal-cart, den some von came and took my hat venn I vasn't 
lookin. 

I tell de manager soon. He help me look for dat hat. Ven 
he could not find it he told me to try his'n. It vent clean ober 
mine ears. Den de boss finds an old hat hangin on de vail, and 
gives it to me. I tell him I don't vant dis hat, mine hat had cost 
$2.00. 'Veil,' said he to his wife, who vas de cashier, 'give him 
$2.00'! De lady gave me a $2.00 bill. I paid mit it my dinner and 
left de place $1.80 richer den ven I came in." 

Shortly after we left for our respective quarters to rest our- 
selves. 

The next day the band leader informed us that he wanted 
twenty-five musicians for a tour to the Pacific Coast. 

As the weather in Chicago had been quite inclement during the 
last two weeks, almost everyone of the band was anxious to try 
the more congenial climate of California. 

The leader selected the requisite number of men, among whom 
were "Big" and "Little Casino," "Slim" and Jim, "Shorty" and— 
last but not least — your humble servant, the narrator of this roam- 
ing tale, and Solo Clarinet of the band. 

On the following day we boarded the train for a three days' 
ride. On the third day of our trip "Vaudeville Slim" complained 
of sore feet, and when the pain became almost unbearable he 
decided to stop at the next station, where the train would halt 
thirty minutes for dinner, to buy a pair of slippers. 

He found a nice German shoe store, where he invested $2.00 in 
a pair of soft slippers, after having addressed a lengthy harangue to 
the hearty proprietor of the shoe emporium. Suddenly he heard 
the whistle of the train, left his benefactor's store full of excitement 
and rushed with his slippers on his feet and waving the shoes in the 
air for the train. 



He reached it "by the skin of his teeth" or rather "the skin of 
his corn," minus one slipper which he had to leave in the gutter. 

He shook his fist at his fast receding property and exclaimed 
out of breath: "Dundervetter, I nebber try dat ober again." 

At Salt Lake City an elderly gentleman entered our car. See- 
ing "Little Casino's" funny face and figure, he watched him count- 
ing telephone posts for quite a while and finally asked him whether 
he didn't feel rather lonesome. Thereupon "Little Casino," think- 
ing him to be a Mormon, replied: "Indeed I do. But if you should 
be so kind as to lend me one of your wives, I think my lonesome 
feeling would soon vanish." To this the gentleman answered: 
"Not guilty." 

Our first concert was given at Lodi, Cal., and met with great 
success. 

After the concert, which ended at 4:30, we were invited to try 
the wine in the biggest wine cellar of the town. We imbibed quite 
freely of a brightly sparkling vintage and afterwards watched a 
bunch of cowboys lassooing cows and steers. 

A friendly vacquero invited us to try our luck. "Vaudeville 
Slim" and "Big Casino" accepted, and the former caught with his 
lasso an old maid who was one of the many onlookers. Thinking 
he had caught a cow, "Slim" kept on jerking the rope, and when he 
found out his mistake ran away to his hotel amidst yells and hoots 
of the kidding populace. 

Even in the train he tried to hide his face and did not fully 
recover his equanimity until we arrived at our next stop, Modesto, 
Cal. 

Here, right in front of our hotel, "Razor-Back" Jim found a 
dollar bill, which he pocketed with the words: "This is surely the 
land where you can pick up money on the streets." 

From Modesto we went to Tulara, where an old bachelor of 
our band whom we called "Lord Grey" (on account of the color of 
his hair) while walking in its pretty little park, saw a good-looking 
young woman sitting on one of the benches. He seated himself 
not far from her, gazing continuously upon her. 

Seeing the grotesque figure of the old musician, and noticing 
his love-smitten gazes, the fun-loving young lady glanced repeat- 
edly admiringly at the old sinner. 

Jim, "Slim," "Big" and "Little Casino," who had also been 
walking in the park, eventually caught up with their amorous 
brother musician and saw him making goo-goo eyes at her. 

As all four were young men they considered it an outrage that 
an old fellow should dare to flirt with a pretty young girl, and 
therefore planned to play a good joke on him. 

8 



So when the young lady started to walk away, "Razor-Back" 

Jim followed her leisurely, finally lifted his hat, introduced himself, 
communicated the plot and asked her to help him and his friends 
in its execution. To this she readily agreed. 

At about eleven the next morning "Lord Grey," daintily 
groomed, hied to the park in the hope of meeting there his charmer 

again. 

His expectations were realized. For when he arrived at his 
bench he beheld the young lady demurely sitting on the seat she 
had occupied the previous day. 

She soon began to smile coyly at him, whereupon he became 
nervous, buttoned his coat, brushed the dust off his shoes with his 
handkerchief, and at last walked over to her bench and sat down 
beside her. 

The intriguing quartette, who had followed the old man into 
the park, was delightedly watching his amorous display, and when 
he finally sank on his knee, extending imploring arms to his adored 
one (who could hardly restrain from laughing out), "Vaudeville 
Slim" appeared on the scene, gallantly took the girl's arm and 
proudly walked away with her. "Lord Grey" sat there, his mouth 
wide open, staring after the slowly disappearing couple. 

At last he gave vent to his outraged feelings, exclaiming: "So 
ein Kameel, so ein Rindsvieh, so ein Luder." 

Crestfallen, he arose and walked slowly to his hotel. 

Our next concert was given at Santa Monica, a beautiful little 
city of about 20,000 inhabitants. Here we were invited to take a 
launch ride on the Pacific Ocean, which invitation was gratefully 
accepted by us. While skipping lightly over the calm water, flying- 
fish frequently seemed to greet us, for they would wiggle their tails 
a little, spread their wings and sail a few rods along our boat. 
They were probably pursued by a shark and sought our assistance, 
thinking there were no sharks among the human species. 

In the distance lay the beautiful Santa Catalina Island with its 
towering peaks. Near us along the coast was the grandiose chain 
of Rocky Mountains encircled by a few clouds, and when the sun 
began to set it poured forth its golden color about their peaks 
which made them look as if they were all spitting fire like myriads 
of volcanoes. The whole world seemed to be on fire. Shortly 
afterwards a mist appeared perhaps 5,000 feet high and two miles 
long, which looked like a huge iceberg. It moved majestically in 
its white splendor. 

We got ashore in time for the evening concert. A chilly damp- 
ness permeated our tent, so that the reed instruments would not 
respond quite so freely, and you could hear the escaping wind from 
the sides of "Vaudeville Slim's" mouth. 



The audience wore wraps for protection. While the band 
played the overture "Orpheus," "Razor-Back" Jimmie made his 
appearance half an hour late. He had been delayed by the heavy 
fog and couldn't reach the Chautauqua tent in time. 

The next day we went to Paso Robles, where the sulphur baths 
are located, and thence to Red Bluff, where an enthusiastic audience 
greeted us in the evening. 

This town is probably the greatest sheep and wool center in 
America, and an excellent business place. But a musician depending 
solely upon his profession for a living would actually starve here. 

On the 4th of July, while riding to our next place of destina- 
tion, Yreka, a poorly dressed man introduced himself to "Razor- 
Back" Jim as the richest man in California, saying he owned several 
silver mines in that state. "Some time ago," said he, "I entered 
the Palmer House Hotel in Chicago, but was ordered out when I 
wished to register, on account of my shabby appearance. Then I 
took out my pocketbook and handed to the clerk nonchalantly 
$10,000 to put into the safety vault for me, adding that I could burst 
the First National Bank." This remark brought "Vaudeville Slim" 
on the scene. 

He took out of his grip a small toy bank, which was labeled 
"Second National Bank," and pointing to his treasure box asked the 
imaginary financier: "Can you burst this one?" At that moment 
"Razor-Back" Jim took aim at the "bank-wrecker," shot off his toy 
pistol, exclaiming: "Dis is a 'Youlie' (July) joke." 

While on our way to Yreka we stopped at Shasta Springs. 
We all rushed out of the train to get a drink of the celebrated 
water. "Vaudeville Slim," having the longest legs, was the first to 
arrive at the Springs and had already gulped down two cups of the 
sparkling fluid before we arrived. 

We also passed "Black Butte" mountain, which ages ago had 
been a volcano and now has hot sulphur springs on its summit. 

"No snow stays on this mountain, it is still warm," said a 
tourist. A party of travelers once reached the highest point and 
rolled a number of boulders down the mountain. 

A number of Italian laborers below became much frightened, 
as this noise reminded them of a volcano in action, and fled imme- 
diately without stopping to the next town three miles away. 

At the top of Mt. Eddy, 11,000 feet high, we saw with a tourist's 
telescope "lookout" signals and warnings displayed indicating the 
approach of a storm. Forest fires are also announced by signals. 

For in the dry season the small towns are dangerous to live in, 
as nearly all of them are surrounded by timberland. 

Once in a while a whole town is thus wiped out. 

At Yreka we saw at the court house an exhibition of $15,000 
worth of gold in rock quartz. 

This town lies in the basin of the "Siskiyous" mountains. 

Before Yreka existed, over $40,000,000 worth of gold had been 
taken out of this basin. 

10 



Here workingmen dig out cellars free of charge because they 
sift the ground and often find small particles of gold, which pays 
them well for their services. After the evening concert six automo- 
biles carried us through "Willow" Canyon to Hornbrook Station, 
where we made railroad connection to Roseburg, Ore., 180 miles 
distant. 

The automobile trip was an exciting chase, up and down, and 
around sharp curves and mountain streams which partly overflowed 
the roads in some places. When we arrived at Hornbrook Station, 
where we had to change cars, the thermometer had fallen to fifty 
degrees. 

Being without overcoats and therefore quite chilled, a few 
glasses of home-made wine refreshed and warmed us. 

We entered the Pullman sleepers and had a long ride through 
a thickly wooded wild country along the Umpra River. 

At Roseburg, the air being quite misty and warm, we went 
swimming in the river. 

As there were no bath houses to be seen, we undressed behind 
bushes. But "Vaudeville Slim" denuded himself near the edge of a 
cliff by the river. We were all in our glory, for the river flowed 
quite rapidly. Suddenly a strong breeze came up and blew "Vaude- 
ville Slim's" trousers into the water. 

The fast torrent carried his pantaloons more than two miles 
away to a small island, where they were caught fast. 

"Slim" quickly slipped into his shirt and ran after the quickly 
disappearing leg-protectors. As he was giving up the vain chase 
a farmer came to his assistance with a pair of trousers. 

Although they were much too wide and too short, he gladly 
dived into them. These ill-fitting trousers together with his uni- 
form coat produced a grotesque aspect. This swim cost him quite 
dearly, for in the trousers was his pocketbook containing a $10.00 
gold piece and some change. This gold piece was perhaps in the 
course of time gobbled up by a goldfish. 

That afternoon I strolled along the pretty residence section of 
the town where beautiful gardens could be seen of odd-shaped 
cypress trees which had been trimmed and shaped into spears and 
crosses of various sizes. I also beheld oval and oblong-shaped 
hedges about four feet wide and high. This was an unusual sight 
to a tourist's eye. 

In Tacoma we gave two concerts which were poorly attended. 
Here a funny incident happened. The landlady of the hotel where 
we stopped wanted to charge one of our musicians, a Russian 
Hebrew, a quarter for a bath. The foreigner found this price too 
high and asked for a reduction. Thereupon the hostess agreed to 
let him have six baths for a dollar. To this our Israelite pathetic- 
ally answered: "I don't know if I live dat long." 

A.fter leaving Washington we went into Canada. In New 
Westminster, British Columbia, the Moose Club gave us a splendid 
reception in their quarters. 

11 



At the concert most of the chairs had no occupants, and we 
gladly took the midnight train which brought us back into our dear 
United States. 

We had a long ride ahead of us to Walla Walla, Wash. Most 
of us were so tired that we did not leave our berths until about 
11 A. M. 

While traveling through Idaho we crossed near Sandy Point a 
trestle three miles long in the Cascade Mountains along the edge of 
Lake Pend O Reille. This lake is from six to twenty miles wide 
and about fifty miles long. 

The mountains rise almost perpendicularly out of the water to 
a height of from 5,000 to 8,000 feet or more. 

The greatest depth of the lake is 1,540 feet. 

Several hundred odd-looking houseboats built on log floats are 
anchored near the shore, and right close by is the longest wagon 
bridge in the world, nine and one-half miles long. 

This is perhaps the most picturesque place in the world, an 
ideal summer resort for a poet, composer or artist. 

The steamers and pleasure boats stop at Lake View, Whisky 
Rock, Maiden Rock and other points of interest on the lake. 

The "Chautauqua Boosters" invited our band and the singers 
to a ride in their private launches. 

It was an ideal day, but in the evening during the performance 
a light sandstorm came up and incommoded us considerably. 

Two days before our arrival there a quartette of colored singers 
engaged by this circuit had encountered a heavy sandstorm. We 
undoubtedly received the tail end of it. The sand blew into the 
cracks of the tent and the valves of the musicians' horns, which 
made them stick, and caused a lot of inconvenience and funny 
sounds. Even the audience noticed the squeaks and false tones 
which would occasionally emanate from the bells of the instruments. 

When we arrived at Butte, Mont., the city was full of visitors 
attracted by the horse races. We took the street car and glided 
through the valley up a small elevation of about four hundred feet 
to the Columbia Gardens situated in a beautiful spot at the base 
of the backbone of the Rocky Mountains, resembling in some 
respects the "White City" of Chicago. Our audience was rather 
small and it was a damp, threatening day. At night a most 
entrancing sight delighted us. 

For Butte, five miles away from us, was alive with thousands 
of electric lights which made us think as if all the stars in heaven 
were coming down upon us. 

After leaving Butte we gave a few more concerts which were 
rather poorly attended on account of the intense heat. Neverthe- 
less this bad business was more than counterbalanced by the 
romantic sceneries which often presented themselves to our eyes. 

"Vaudeville Slim" and "Shorty," "Big" and "Little Casino" and 
"Razor-Back" Jimmie and myself had gathered during this glorious 
trip innumerable mementoes of the various places where we had 
given concerts, and when we boarded the train that was to bring 
us back to good old Chicago, those souvenirs not only swelled out 
our gripsacks but even all our pockets. 

12 



"THANKSGIVING EVE IN A BAR-ROOM" 



By Erwin E. Harder 



The scene is an old-fashioned, respectable German bar-room, 
chiefly frequented by good, solid, hyphenated citizens, whose wives 
and daughters even accompany them sometimes. 

It is also patronized by artists and musicians who feel more at 
home in this simple place, where only wholesome beer is sold, than 
in the glittering American palaces. 

The people are merry, drinking and singing. At one table 
where a party of people are enjoying themselves sits an elderly, 
clumsy-looking person, who has imbibed too freely, and continu- 
ously raves about his worldly possessions. He has a glowing red 
nose, and a sandy mustache. 

Presently a young musician enters, is recognized by his friends, 
and invited to join them. 

The click of the raffling machines is heard. "Turkeys, geese, 
ducks, chickens!" exclaims the operator of the machine. Suddenly 
a turkey cries out, "aukla a ukla aukla Oklahoma." "Vat, she's from 
Oklahoma?" says the raving man. 

Laughter and joy is at its height. Soon the inebriate 
approaches the musician, saying: "$25,000, I got three houses, I 
got a flat, play for me." 

The musician sits up and takes notice. One of his friends 
informs the man it would cost him $2.00 to hear the artist play. 

Another whispers into a friend's ear: "He's the same fellow 
who raved here once before, and never buys a drink but for him- 
self." 

"Away with him! Take him home!" somebody utters. 

Again the words are heard: "I got three houses, $25,000, I got 
property." "Yes!" says another, "I think you've got the snakes." 

At the lunch counter close by two policemen are playing havoc 
with the lunch by filling their pockets with luscious "Knack Wurst." 

Again the fuddled "real-estate" owner asked the musician for 
a tune, whereupon he was told to put up the two dollars. 

He reached into his pocket, brought forth a pair of spectacles 
and put them on his fiery nose. He dug into another pocket and 
showed us again a pair of spectacles. From a third pocket he also 
produced a pair of eye-strengtheners. 

Then one of the guests ejaculated: "By Jove! he has one pair 
of eye-glasses for the turkeys, one for the ducks and one for the 
chickens!" 

Again pressed to give the musician $2.00 to play a solo, he 
reiterated: "$25,000, I got three flats." The musician agreed to 
play in three flats, which remark produced general laughter and 
caused a wag to say to the artist: "You better play 'Down in the 
Deep Cellar.'" 

The tippler searches through his pockets and after a time pulls 
out 32 cents in pennies and nickels. 

At that moment the bartender opened a new keg of beer, and 
the escaping air sounded like an engine blowing off steam. 

13 



This noise started our music lover so that he produced from 
another pocket a twenty-dollar bill. On seeing the yellowback, the 
musician quickly placed his bass clarinet to his mouth and played 
with great feeling "Down in the Deep Cellar." An immense 
applause followed, during which the "flat owner" tried to make 
his escape. 

But one of the guests caught him by the shoulder and cried: 
"Abladen, Abladen!" (Pony up, Pony up!) 

At another table four married couples, who had come to this 
place in an automobile, had been taking in all this fun, and not 
wishing that it should end so soon, invited the fugitive to their 
table. 

He joined them with the oft-repeated words: "$25,000, I got 
three houses, top floor, ring de bell." 

"Well," said one of the ladies, "you'll need a housekeeper." 
Ker friend begged the Croesus to let her be the manager of his 
palatial residence, saying that she could make the finest "sour- 
braten." Another lady, who was built like Juno, told him: "Ich 
bin auch (I am also) a gute (good) kitchen mechanic." The fourth 
lady intimated that she was getting jealous. 

An onlooker then exclaimed: "Dis is aber de vorst aufgemixted 
business I eber vas in." 

The braggart, thinking he was a regular lady-killer, suddenly 
cried out: "$25,000, top flat. I want a vife, I want a vife with 
$5,000." 

The four ladies immediately exclaimed alternately: "I have 
$5,000, I $6,000, I $8,000, and I $10,000." 

These high offers dumfounded our man and almost sobered 
him. 

He tried to embrace the highest bidder and said: "You will 
make my sourbraten mit Katoffel Pfannkuchen in the top flat." 

Then turning around, he asked: "Someone can me marry?" 

The wag of the musician's party rose, stepped to the ladies' 
table, introduced himself as a notary public and assured the "mat- 
rimonial aspirant" he would gladly perform the marriage ceremony 
then and there, if the bridal couple so wished. 

The bride, slyly winking at the "notary," accepted gratefully 
the kind offer, took her swain's arm and proceeded with him toward 
the end of the room, whither the "notary" in the meantime had 
preceded them. 

Suddenly the shrill horn of an automobile sounded repeatedly, 
announcing the arrival of the party's machine. 

The four married couples ran quickly out of the place and into 
the auto. 

As they were driving away, the disappointed groom who, in his 
haste to follow the bride, had knocked a table with diverse glasses 
over and kicked several chairs out of his way, hurried after the 
fast vanishing machine, exclaiming: "$25,000, I got three flats, I 
want a vife with $5,000!" 

When he reached the end of the block, he was met and arrested 
by the two policemen who had ransacked the lunch counter an 
hour before and were chewing some of the delicious "Knack 
Wurst." 

While they were escorting their prisoner to the station you 
could see a sausage sticking out of one policeman's hind pocket. 

14 



REMINISCENCES OF THE "ENCHANTED CITY" 



By Erwin E. Harder 



At last the great gates have swung open, the turmoil is on, I 
can hear the entrance gates clicking, change rattling, automobiles 
hurrying by. Carts and wagons are darting to and fro, newspaper 
boys are shouting. 

If you haven't even change, don't delay the rushing masses. 

This is Labor Day, tomorrow is the big-bug day. There are 
all kinds of days. Some days a tramp will scale the high walls 
that surround the "Fair" grounds, in order to peep in — 50 cents is a 
lot of money to him. His ear is greeted as soon as he looks in: 
Popcorn 5 cents, peanuts; this way, 10 cents to hear the largest 
pipe organ in the world. 

Here comes another one. "Oh, I am in a hurry, I left my 
pocketbook at home. Please, conductor, take me up to the 'Old 
Faithful.' I'm five minutes late." 

Every blessed car in the street was blocked. The Liberty Bell 
was on its way. I also was in a hurry, but a stranger had to delay 
me by asking: "Is that a Turkish pipe you have there?" 

"Yes," said I, "I smoke two hours over there. (On instrument 
in band.) Pardon me, please, I have to hurry and change my 
clothes." 

Now there are all kinds of uniforms worn. When I had mine 
on, I looked like a zebra. 

Sometimes the Librarian played a B flat tenor horn in the 
band. The evenings were generally cool, and when he had a hard 
passage to play, he had to put his overcoat on. 

"One good thing," said a friend of mine, "I'm glad I'm out of 
my old boarding house near Electric Park." 

Those stuffed fish in the aquarium were too much for him, 
because when he thought of his old boarding house there was a 
great contrast. The following fish stared in his eyes: Bull-Fish, 
Cow-Fish, Sand-Fish, Jew-Fish, Shark-Fish, Whiparee, Sword-Fish, 
Saw-Fish. 

One farmer said: "Come in and see the Sea-Horse." A pic- 
ture on the outside showed the tremendous proportions of it. In 
the inside, it was in a bottle about three and one-half inches long. 

Others were so busy selling goods that they had no time for 
a hair trimming. There were barber shops on the grounds. Some 
got it in the neck: "Ten cents extra, please." 

If you didn't take a hair tonic or a shoe shine, you would get 
a cross look. 

One bald-headed barber wanted to know how to grow long 
hair. "That's easy enough," said I. "Study music and it will grow. 
For music is the greatest hairtonic." 

15 



Don't come unless your pocketbook is filled with greenbacks. 

Now there were a few moments to get a word in, I can see 
ancient cities burning up in the skies, ancient kings and queens 
hoarding gold, and rarest reptiles burned alive. This was too much 
for him to understand and he remarked: "I think I will take a shoe 
shine." 

I noticed from various types of people that a Russian wore a 
rubber collar. You can wash them, but he didn't know it. 

I was also mistaken as to my nationality once. A lady came to 
me and asked me if I were a Russian (my uniform made her think 
so). "No, lady," said I, "I'm not a Russian, but I do a 'rushing 
business.' " 

I tell you the ball room was a beautiful place. When I peeped 
in there one night I noticed a tall bald-headed man dancing with a 
short lady. His shiny head matched the floor. 

She wore a peculiar hat that looked like a Christmas tree. It 
tickled his chin as they danced around. Their gestures were out 
of place. He was chewing tobacco on the right side of his mouth, 
and she was chewing gum on the left side of her mouth. 

If some people would notice such peculiar incidents, it would 
put a damper on chewing. 

Now I strolled down the Zone and I entered the "Streets of 
All Nations." Ten cents was the admission. After I had taken a 
seat a speaker appeared and addressed the audience thus: "Ladies 
and gentlemen! These three ladies will pose for you in the adjoin- 
ing theatre in the 'Artist's Vision.' It will be worth your while to 
see these living models; 25 cents admission." 

We all marched to that place. Some of us had an intense 
expression of disgust, others were anxious, still others were in 
doubt and wondered what the next one had to fool you with. How- 
ever, the crowd went into the adjoining theatre. 

I waited until the last one had entered. The doorkeeper had 
just closed the door when a party of people came in, whereupon I 
said: "There go the living models in front of the gate entrance, 
and I suppose they will want another quarter up there too." Then 
I overheard a stranger saying: "They tell me it is worth it." The 
doortender said to me: "Go right in," and in I went. 

The living models, colored in bronze, appeared on the scene. 
They did very well until they undressed and began to dance. The 
man next to me said: "She is about as graceful as an old cow," 
and as we were leaving the theatre I waited on the outside to hear 
some of the criticisms of the show. Well, the first sound came 
after I got a whiff of a drunken man, who said: "I'll have to take 
a drink on that." His partner vociferated: "I'll take two." An- 
other one: "Rotten, rotten." Yet some faces looked satisfied. 

Next I saw the Grand Canyon. Here I reaped the following 
harvests: the colors of enchantment and an Indian Dolly, which I 
sent to my brother, who is a bachelor, together with a bow and 
arrow, the points of which I had removed so no harm could be 
done. 

All kinds of things imaginable stared at me. I was beginning 
to stack up with souvenirs . The more I looked, the more I had to 
laugh. Sometimes I was up in the air. "What's that, what's this?" 

From all sides, if you would listen closely, different amuse- 
ments were advertised by loud shoutings. All for ten cents. 

16 



You could hear the amateur band play. Some one remarked: 
"Why, they think we came from a saw mill farm. Their instru- 
ments sounded similarly when they blew into them." 

I hurried along and became enchanted, when it dawned upon 
me to stop. I selected a medal, and wore it during the evening 
concert. 

One evening I strolled down the Courts of Abundance. My 
vision became entranced. As I gazed upon the Tower of Jewels, 
it reminded me of trees rilled after a rain with drops of water 
which the dazzling sun made sparkle like myriads of diamonds. 

I well remember, in my early boyhood, I used to tell my 
mother that when I got big I would wear a diamond on each finger. 
Now I saw my vision, but soon it vanished as the lights disap- 
peared. On I wandered in amazement a short distance. The 
sparkling fountains could be heard, the reflections in the water of 
burning vases and snakes spitting out fire were visible. 

Gradually the flow of water receded from the fountains, and 
the people were about all gone. Then a cricket began to chirp, soon 
another one, and still more of them. 

I was now in the midst of the silence of the night. 

The reflection of a distant street light shone out dimly, and 
ancient Kings and Queens appeared as if they came out of some 
mysterious mist. They seemed to hide in the decorations of the 
buildings. Slowly I moved along, and the murmuring wind wel- 
comed and told me that the sea must be close by, as I faintly heard 
the waves washing the shore. The fragrance of a beautiful large 
flower garden, mixed with the refreshing sea air, filled me with 
delight. 

"Ah! where has the soul been so enraptured 
In a wondrous enchanted city, 
As in the land of paradise, 
'Mongst rising columns and pillars, 
Where ancient Kings and Queens appear alive 
And seem to marvel at its wonders? 
Thou glorious enchanted night! 
Here all the colors are gleaming, 
And the moon steadily rising 
Begins to peep around 
The surrounding towering columns. 
New shadows are reflected 
In the fountains' quiet waters. 
Crickets begin to sing new songs. 
A loud noise — and the silence is broken, 
A Flying Machine hovers around, 
Hyacinths and roses in their flower beds 
Seem to waken, as the mists set in, 
And dew drops form about them. 
While shadows slowly dance around, 
In tears, with lowered heads, 
They slowly disappear from sight." 



17 



I was lost in the reflections of the quiet fountains' waters. 

"Thy queenly brow, 
Thy gentle ways, 
Thy beauteous hands, 
Thy precious self 
With all thy jewels, 
Thy great riches of earth's treasure! 
Wilt thou beckon to me?" 

(A slight wind disturbed the water very slightly. The wind is 
now murmuring, and the reflections are increasing. Out of the sea 
comes a strange fish decorated with curious shells.) 

" 'Tis she perhaps, 

The woman with eternal love!" 
"On the measureless Ocean's bottom 

I dwelled through centuries in castles 

Which fishes and Nymphs have built for me 

Of diamonds, gold, trinkets and shells. 

Here I invite thee to share with me 

The rarest hidden treasures." 

The reflecting statues swayed to and fro and seemed to say: 

"Here in nature's sweet repose we rest, 
With all the ingenuity that man possessed." 

Closer and closer I drew to the water's edge, enraptured with 
burning flames of love which all the oceans couldn't quench with 
their reflecting sparkling waters. 

"Come, come to me, before the fleeting years 
Will wither youth! Or wilt thou vainsh too 
Like a dream and disappear into mysterious mists?" 

Still closer I drew, my passions burning. 

"Is my vision not returning, or is it 
Melting like the snows in Spring's awakening?" 

Then I awoke, for I had fallen into the tank of water, and for 
a moment I was dazed, but soon for help I called, and the sounds 
re-echoed 'mong the courts. 

Ancient Kings and Queens reached out their hands, some 
laughing, some in sorrow, trying to help me. All in vain. Not a 
living soul was to be seen, as the moon slowly sank from sight, 
which added to the gloomy scene of the silvery night. 

Suddenly the silence was broken, a branch of an umbrella tree 
had snapped. One lonely twig was hanging with lowered head, as 
if the wind had suddenly dealt its death-like chant. 

I reached for it, and thus I was saved. 

O glorious powers of eternity! 

My vision suddenly changed, I was in a trance, 

In a compressed ether combination shell. 

18 



Like a flash I moved and soon in a new world I dwelled. The 
city of "Beyond — Limit," which shone with new-born colors, immor- 
tal Tamber in all its grandeur I beheld. Spirits who once, in a 
material world, were lost at sea, were also riding in a combination 
ether shell. 

Our course was changed by the unknown force, and it seemed 
as if our ether shell was doomed. Hurriedly we moved along, and 
as I stepped out of the ether shell, I was partly resting upon the 
rim of the fountain, and was out of danger. 

The wind was murmuring louder than before, and as I slowly 
proceeded there was mysterious music in the air. 

For a time I was dazed. Oriental sounds seemed to ring out 

and echo among the courts. The music emanating from strange 

fifes and other instruments which I cannot describe was enchanting. 

*%*, The Kings and Queens seemed lost and charmed. A loud 

creaking noise, and they began to play new pranks. 

Long flag poles were swayed by the murmuring wind, their 
flags flopped about, reflecting new shadows. 

Soon all danced to their doom, the moon sank from sight, not 
a light reflected about. 1 wandered on through the silent courts 
and found myself standing before an enchanting, bewitching castle. 

Here hunters had gathered, and I was holding my breath as a 
lion was about to swallow me. 

One quick move I made, and I just escaped, as the combination 
Expo, pavement cleaner, in moderate speed, buzzed by me; I hur- 
ried to the entrance gates. 

I was cold and wet through and through, and when I was only 
a few hundred feet from the Enchanted City, I discovered that I 
was minus a pocketbook, which contained a railroad ticket for 
Chicago, and $85.00 in bills, a $5.00 gold piece and some valuable 
notes. 

For a moment I was in a delirium. I hurried back, my breath 
seemed to leave me so swiftly that I thought my end was near. 

Those former visions appeared again. There was no one to 
welcome me at this late hour of the night. I crept along the walls 
of the Enchanted City, and at a secluded spot, where flowers and 
vines covered the walls, I climbed up, as one thick vine afforded 
me the opportunity. I was nervous, my thoughts were intent on 
my valuables, and the mysterious darkness made the scene more 
pathetic. 

In my excitement I forgot all about the entrance gates to the 
Enchanted City. I jumped from the wall about 14 feet. 

Luck was with me. I felt the jar only temporarily. I hurried 
along, bumped into a post, rolled in a bush. I was dazed. 

Slowly I entered the Courts of Abundance. Finally I found 
the fountain, where a terrible silence reigned. "Was I only dream- 
ing, or was I mad? Had I been lured and bewitched? I listened. 
The murmuring wind was whispering new sounds. The fountain 
had ceased flowing. I looked into its bottom. Darkness only was 
there. I entered the fountain and groped around in the hope of 
finding my pocketbook. I crept on my hands and knees. At last 
I came to the spot where I had done the climbing, and on top of 
the fountain lay my pocketbook. A sigh of relief escaped me. 

"Glory to the Eternal Powers! What news will the morrow 
bring to me?" 

19 



As I wended my way home, my thoughts were upon the beau- 
tiful enchanting reflections. I dreamt of wondrous cities. 

Next evening in the pale reflections of the moon I beheld a 
beautiful castle of rarest designs overlooking an artificial lagoon, 
which was as smooth as a mirror, and whose reflections reminded 
me of the following: 

"Ah! glory I behold in all thy splendor, 
See the flowers with tears for thee, 
My vision ever entrancing, 
Thou wilt fade as fleeting years pass by, 
What sadness awaiteth thee, 
With all thy splendor and beauty? 
Hath no one an Eternal Heart to present? 
Could not the city of wealth build thee in marble and granite 
As an everlasting monument to the coming children?" 

Suddenly I looked straight down into the water, and saw a 
figure dressed in a Prince Albert coat and wearing an opera hat. 
That was I. 



20 



PIKE'S PEAK 



By Erwin E. Harder 



Never shall I forget, my love, how we strove to reach Pike's 
Peak on that memorable day of our betrothal. After an hour's 
climb mists formed and a drizzling rain started. The birds were 
hiding timidly in the crevices. Presently we arrived at the "Half 
Way" house, where we refreshed ourselves. When the rain had 
ceased we strolled on, winding our way around the cog-road. 

Now and then a star peeped out, soon more made their appear- 
ance. They seemed to welcome us, and gradually drove those 
clouds and mists away. The horizon took on a new aspect. The 
moon hove in sight. Mysterious colors, red, white and blue, began 
to reflect, and silvery shadows slowly moved about. 

On the sides of the mountains countless glittering caves ap- 
peared, which in reality were Nature's trees transformed by the moon. 

Bewitched I felt, spellbound, inspired. On I strolled, forgetful of 
my fair maiden, until at last a fainting sigh I heard. 

Whence did it come? Was it the mysterious sounds of Nature that 
began to charm me? It was the voice of my pretty fiancee whom, in 
my trance, I had forgotten and left behind me. I ran to her side and 
drew her fragrant head to my breast where it rested oblivious of the 
lapse of time. 

When the sky had cleared, we continued to climb toward our goal. 
We progressed but slowly. Breathing became more and more difficult. 
Suddenly my sweet companion sank on the ground exclaiming that she 
could not walk any farther, as she was totally exhausted. 

I drew my arm around her waist and tried to march on with my 
lovely burden. But it was impossible for me to make much progress, 
as my strength was also rapidly diminishing. Then I thought of that 
newly married couple that two years ago had been surprised by a snow- 
storm at almost the identical spot where we were now (Windy Point), 
and had miserably perished. The fear that a similar fate might befall 
us renewed my waning strength. I seated my patient, never com- 
plaining comrade comfortably on a large, flat rock and staggered to- 
ward the Peak, where I surely expected to find help for the charming 
little sufferer. 

When I arrived there I was struck with awe and wonderment. Be- 
low me the thousands of lights of Colorado Springs, above me myriads 
of scintillating stars, all around me glaring frosts ! 

To my left was the "Observation House and Tower." Thither I 
hastened and knocked at various doors. At last a ghostlike form ap- 
peared (it was a man in his night apparel) and asked me what I wanted. 
When I told him that I needed somebody to help me carry up a sick 
lady, he "humanely" advised me to take "my party" down, as it was 
preposterous to expect help at that late hour of the night. 

21 



Incensed by the behavior of this heartless wretch, I rushed down 
the mountain, now calling the name of my beloved, then falling over 
some rock, until I arrived breathless at the coveted spot. My brave 
lass had recovered her strength and welcomed me with such endearing 
love that my late trials were soon forgotten. 

Arm in arm we soon descended. All around us supreme silence 
reigned, which was only occasionally interrupted by the peep of a bird. 

When we reached the "Timber Line" strange sounds surrounded us 
again. The wind began to sigh, the brush became enlivened, stream- 
lets greeted us. We stooped and drank from Nature's fountain and 
proffered our thanks to the Almighty Creator for his kind protection. 

Onward we then wandered and finally arrived at the foot of Pike's 
Peak. 



"IN THE VALLEY" 



By Erwin E. Harder 



Here in the valley 
Where the flowers grow 
Wild birds are singing 
To the lilies below. 

The frogs in pools give warning 
Against the distant thunder, 
And when the tempest rises 
Sweet flowers are torn asunder. 

After the storm has passed away, 
After the dead are counted, 
Tears are dropping from the trees, 
Tears, on leaves well mounted. 



Sacramento Valley 1914. 



22 



"THE VANISHED ISLAND" 



Oh thou, once a lonely island, 
What evil haunts thy barren caves 
Whil'st during the stormy season 
The roaring winds lash in the waves? 

Through centuries I stood and trembled, 
Unto four seasons of siege I felt 
Evil spirits before my vanishing altars, 
Devouring the last crumbs where I dwelt. 

In Spring's awakening refreshed I felt, 

From rainstorms come and gone, 

That enriched my soil 

With new born flowers, 

Whose seed was brought from birds afar, 

That sang their songs in the early morn. 

How often times a feeling crept 
Upon my lonely soul, 
And hours and hours I lay and wept, 
When the sea had tossed upon my soil 
A body that had been shipwrecked. 

And here within a lonely hut 

A Hermit dwelt, two score and ten, 

Who through misfortune comfort sought. 

His silent language told a tale 

As he crept upon the shore, 

Beheld his aged mother, 

His sobs were lost in the wild wind's wail. 

Louder and louder howled the winds, 

That soon became a hurricane 

And swept the island, 

Hut, hermit and all, 

Leaving no tale from whence they came. 



Beaver Dam, 1914. 



23 



'BENEATH THE WESTERN SKIES" 



(Visions from a train.) 

In Nature's garden now I dwell 
As fleeting moments hurry by, 
To ponder over rugged ways, 
Beneath the glor'ous shining sky. 

The famous kettle yonder lies 
Whose history is yet untold, 
When ancient races come and gone 
Have left no story to unfold. 

Nice, spotless towns I quickly pass, 
Black dots which can be seen around 
Are cattle grazing lazily, 
That fill the air with tinkling sound. 

While rushing swiftly through the space 
I next behold the Devil's slide. 
According to reports of old 
He chose this place to find a bride. 

A woman, petrified, I see, 
A woman, beauteous, calm and fair. 
A dozen heads with great intent 
Gaze on this wondrous form so bare. 

They say that centuries ago 
A boulder, struck by lightning fierce, 
While rolling down the mountain side, 
This Nature's monument did pierce. 

Soon night sets in, and shadows dance, 
While mountain mists are fast asleep. 
But wakened by the burning fires 
They seem to rise from out the deep. 

I rush through vastly stretched land, 
Which disappears from view at night. 
Now Luna comes and with her rays 
Throws over earth enchanting light. 



July 13, 1915. 



24 



"AFTER THE RAIN" 



The fragrance of the woods 
Awoke me in the morn, 

Bewitched my craving soul, 
So full of various moods. 

I saw Sun's dazzling rays 

Fall glittering on trees 
Like many diamonds, 

Swayed by the gentle breeze. 

Enchanting sounds arose 
From myriads of birds ; 

Their music charmed my ears, 
Whilst Sol dried nature's tears. 

"Karick !" was the sound 
That came from the pools 

Where nature had placed 
So many toad-stools. 

A tree had been felled 
And thrown o'er a creek, 

Whose course then was changed 
By this clever trick. 

Below in the brush 

A twig I heard snap; 
A hare had been caught 

In some hunter's trap. 

Sweet flowers I smelled; 

Round buttercups fair 
The bees flew about 

To gather sweets rare. 

The night now drew on, 
Dark shadows rose soon 

Whose forms oft were changed 
By bright, silv'ry moon. 



Kansas City, Mo., June, 1915. 



25 



"VOICE OF THE SPIRIT" 



My soul, tilled with sorrowing love, 

Finds no rest in my thoughts. 

May some divine spirit above, 

Perchance send a message of love. 

My vision ever fading 

Melts like the snows in Spring's awakening. 

Thus I wait for a message of love. 
Will some spirit bring forth good news 
From a mysterious star above? 

Bring forth my beautiful mysterious dream 
That awakened my burning flames of love, 
Which all the oceans couldn't quench 
With their reflecting sparkling waters? 

Where is she with her love eternal? 

As fleeting years crept by, 

And age has withered youth, 

This divine soul that my vision entranced, 

Vanished like a mysterious mist. 



P. P. I. Expo., 1915. 



"OH NIGHT OF WONDERMENT!" 



(Prelude to "Nocturno") 

Oh night of wonderment ! 
Ne'er have I been so charmed 
By Thee, bewitching moon. 
Doest now thy caps eject 
From clouds with silver lined? 
Some black appear, some white, 
And others purple blue. 
Hast message thou for me? 
Thou lookest slightly pale ! 
Art sick and grievest thou, 
Or art thou welcoming 
The souls from battlefields? 



Rochester, Minn., July, 1916. 

26 



THE GRAND CANYON OF ARIZONA 



Grand Operatic Phantasmagoria No. 3 
(Prologue to The Sun God.) 

CAST: 

Junis Sun God 

Toanto King of Deep-Gulch River 

Amona King of Moon's Shadows 

Clewoh Ruler of Hidden Mysteries 

Gorone Chief of Shadow-Dancers 

1. 

Here lies before me the Grand Canyon, 
Nature's greatest mystery and treasure ; 

Where ancient cities appear buried alive, 
And steaming vases suggest eruptions. 

2. 

In strange walls lie hidden Kings and Queens, 
Who seem to reach out a helping hand. 

For ages they have smiled and wept, 
And worshipped in this mysterious land. 

3. 

The sun and moon know their history, 

While their shadows in reflections tell 
That some unknown force played doomful pranks 

Like some great genius in his spell. 

4. 
See how the King of beasts, 

Crouched by the castle yonder, 
Guards the giant's treasures, 

While spectators gaze in wonder. 

5. 
Now the horizon shows a new aspect, 

With all the colors of nature gleaming, 
As new shadows dance to their doom, 

While the moon commences beaming. 

(The Early Morning Prayer) 

We worship thee, Sun God, 
Thy treasures wondrous rare ; 
Here earth's most sacred shrines 
Are hidden in thy care, 
Are hidden in thy care. 
And ages we have wept, 
When weather beaten storms 
Upon us havoc swept. 
Thy rays thus sparkled forth, 
And woke the wintry blasts. 
New myst'ries they revealed 
In rarest colors thus beguiled, 
While some stood by and smiled. 

Grand Canyon, October, 1915. 

27 



"AMONG THE TOMBS" 



In the night's most grewsome stillness 
'Mong the rising pillars crept I. 
"Bygone memories came to me 
Like a trance my vision seemed. 

As the moon in grandeur rose 
Spirits stole around the tombs ; 
Shadows told of hidden secrets, 
Which the broken clouds uncovered. 



Kansas City, Mo., 1915. 



•THE BROKEN DAM" 



What breaks the silence of the night? 
Strange sounds ! the dam has given way 
To rushing, gurgling, whirling waters. 
I tremble, fearful, for my home — 
My wife, my children, are they lost? 
Oh God, have mercy on us all! 



Rochester, Minn., 1916. 



28 




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"BEINGS WITHOUT A LANGUAGE" 

"IN THE VALLEY" 

(Soprano or Tenor Solo) 

"OVER THE RAILS" 

"MUSIC OF THE SPHERES" 
Organ Solo) 



By ERWIN E. HARDER 

"NOCTURNO" 

"A TURTLE STORY" 

"FISH STORIES" 



"GHOST STORIES" 
"OCEAN'S BOTTOM" 



(Symphonic Poem) 



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